Sugar!

*This is a blog post about sugar. It's not entirely factual and was written after consuming some sugar.*

Sugar was discovered in the 1400s by Columbus, I think, when he was like, 'Hmm, this hot chocolate needs a kick.' And a star was born.

Sugar is now used today in so many things, and sometimes goes by it's street name, 'High Fructose Corn Syrup.' High Fructose Corn Syrup, or HFCS, is a total prick. I mean if you see him, avoid him, because he'll get up in your face and demand you give him your lunch money. And I never will, HFCS. I earned that money.

Sugar, however, is the nicer of the two, especially when your teeth rot out from too much, sugar is always there to be like, 'You don't need teeth, just gum me.'

My favorite way to enjoy sugar is in the bottom of an iced coffee. Talk about magnificent. Could this be God's best gift to humans? Seriously, are you going to sit here and tell me that sucking up sugar crystals and chewing on them isn't the greatest thing that happens in your day? And the rush you get afterwards, the kind that makes you want to run down the street, waving your arms in the air singing, 'Rock the Casbah' isn't the best idea you've had all week?

You, sir, are a liar.

Pass the sugar. And by that, I mean, give me another ice coffee, boys!